Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Week of Hell

This time two weeks ago I was sitting in the library, getting my school work done days early, putting together a blog schedule, and being so efficient that I had time to read EW and Elle in between it all. I was feeling great, in complete control of my life, and then in a matter of days it all went to shit.

Heading into the weekend I wasn't feeling great. I started having panic attacks and went into a full emotional breakdown for no clear reason. In the midst of it all my husband threw out his back and was bedridden for a week. I was trying to care for him, get caught back up on school, hold my emotions together, freaking out that we might not be able to make rent, all while driving around to social and work obligations.

Needless to say the breakdowns continued. I cried in a stranger's kitchen, in my car, and on the ground of a gas station parking lot. Thankfully, my saving grace, my Doctor is an incredibly supportive man and had just refilled my prescription for Xanax.

I'm not ashamed to say I needed xanax to get through these last two weeks. I needed medication to survive and get through my day. I needed meds to stop crying, to sleep, to focus on the little bit of work I could do.

There was once a time when I would have been embarrassed to admit that I needed medication. There was a long stretch of time in college where I was suicidal over the thought of needing medication in order to function, but not anymore.

There is no shame in needing help to get through hard times, or just a normal day. There is no shame in needing xanax, or an antidepressant (which I also take every single day), or adderall, or any type of medication that helps you function and be the best version of yourself.

You are incredible, with or without meds. I am strong, fierce, and a fighter, and sometimes I am those things because of the medications that help balance out my emotions or hormones or body chemistry. Never let anyone, including yourself, make you feel bad, shamed, inferior, or lesser than for taking medication.

In xanax we trust!

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