Secondhand Smoke

Last summer I first heard a song by Kelsea Ballerini called "Secondhand Smoke". The song is about a girl with divorced parents worrying that her love life will suffer the same fate, singing "What am I supposed to do? I can't help that they chose to breathe it in, but I'm not gonna choke on their secondhand smoke". As a child of divorce I quickly fell in love with the song, and the way it so accurately represented my feelings and fears toward love and divorce.

I was reminded of that song today when I came across an article entitled, "Millennials latest mistake: embracing the 'starter' marriage". In summary, the article discusses how millennials are approaching marriage very differently from prior generations. According to their research, millennials are more open to the idea of marriages that are time bound, like a mortgage. After 2 years or 5 years a couple can easily divorce, or choose to stay together. Of course this sounds shocking and insane to many people, but give me a second to show you the other perspective.

Let me start by saying I don't think we should have 2 years marriages, and I plan on getting married one time, forever and always. But even so, I completely understand the people who don't. A lot of people, regardless of your generation, are children of divorce. We come from broken homes, so do our friends, and so do our relatives. Personally, I'm struggling to think of more than a small handful of couples i know who aren't divorced or on their second or third marriage. My friends and I grew up in a world of separations, remarriages, custody arguments, and divorces.

I'm single, but a small part of me constantly wonders if I could handle divorce. How long should I date my future husband? How can I
be sure we won't hate each other in 5 years? How do I guarantee that my hypothetical future children never have to hide in the laundry room, trying to drown out Mommy and Daddy's fighting? It's terrifying. Sure, you can tell me it doesn't happen to everyone, but it has happened to almost everyone I know.

Millennials don't have commitment issues. We aren't just flaky or indecisive. We are just trying to find a way to love someone in realistic way. When you hit your 20s and 30s, you can't just think of your future love life as a fairy tale. You have to accept the fact that something like 50% of marriages end in divorce, and you have to prepare for it. Our generation is used to disasters and heartbreak. We're just trying to create a life where we can avoid inhaling the smoke.  

#NotAUnicorn

It’s no secret that the millennial generation is currently a hot topic on almost every news and social media forum in existence. For whatever reason, people are currently obsessing over my generation, and it’s almost impossible to visit a news site without seeing at least one or two mentions of those of us born between the 1980s and mid-1990s. What I’m interested in is not just why my generation seems to be so fascinating, but why reporters seem to be obsessed with completely trashing us.

The latest in the #WeHateMillennials trend comes from Kyle Smith, a reporter from the New York post. Now, Smith does seem to have a trend of writing articles that bash whichever gender, political affiliation, or celebrity he decides to hate on a specific day, but his recent article about millennials should really be filed under “Hate Speech” rather than “Office Etiquette”.

I’ll admit even I was applauding Kyle Smith a few weeks ago when he called out Talia Jane, the Yelp employee who posted a whiney letter about her employer online and was then fired (big shock there). I agreed with his points and was glad to see one of the “stereotypical” millennials called out for their behavior.

But here’s the thing y’all, the “stereotypical millennial” is not an accurate representation of the 20 – 30 year olds who are in the work force. Of course, this isn’t that surprising, since it would be pretty difficult to sum up a group of more than 20 million people, with one personality type.  

If you took Kyle Smith’s article “Millennials need to put away the juice boxes and grow up” and replaced the word millennial with another hot button topic like “Muslims” or “African Americans” the country would be in a uproar over cultural stereotyping and his lackluster article would be torn to shreds. So why is it okay for someone to libelously attack my generation, my character, and my work ethic, simply because I was born in 1993?

Take myself, and my three closest millennial friends for example. We are all employed, two of us with full time positions in offices, one with an RA position, and one with a part time job in a senior position within the University. Two of us are full time college students, and all of us have had some type of job since we were between 15 and 18 years old. We rely on our paychecks to cover the majority, if not all, of our personal expenses, and we all understand and embrace the value of hard work, and respect.

I could easily name off a dozen if not more millennials I know who work, are pursuing an education they pay for themselves, and who understand the value of a dollar, and the importance of respecting others. They fight for social justice, pursue their passions, and do so with no interest in dropping out or leaving work to “build treehouses” which Mr. Smith assumes we all do. (In his defense Twenty One Pilots do sing about treehouses, and their song “Stressed Out” seems to be his primary source of inaccurate assumptions about us millennials.)

So once again I ask you two questions. Where did this misguided stereotype come from about millennials? And if it isn’t okay to stereotype genders, religions, or ethnicities, why is it okay to embrace ageism and attack myself, and millions of hard working people just like me? Maybe Kyle Smith should meet some actual millennials and talk to them, instead of relying on Twenty One Pilots’ lyrics to support his judgmental and bigoted bias. And of course, if he hasn’t figured out what Google or iPhones are yet (He belongs to Generation X and they’re of course stereotyped as being inept with most technology), I’m sure there’s a millennial or two at the New York Post who would be more than happy to assist him.  

Millennial Meltdown

The other day I was recruited to help out on a project that some people in my company were working on. I arrived at my designated time and place, and was greeted by some enthusiastic co-workers. I was told that my help was needed in putting together and packaging some materials for an engagement project, and after a quick tutorial I was put to work. My task? Rolling a piece of paper into a scroll and tying ribbon around it.

I’ll admit I was a little taken aback by my new job. “Wait, rolling papers? Really? This is what you needed me to do?” I thought as I sipped my latte and wrapped the scrolls with blue ribbon. With every roll and every ribbon bow I found myself getting more and more frustrated. I kept thinking about all the things on my desk that needed attention and all the big projects I wasn’t working on because of the scroll situation. “Who do these people think they are? I have REAL work to do. I have more important things on my plate than rolling some pieces of paper.”

It was right about the time that that entitled thought flashed through my mind that I got a damn hard slap in the face from reality. My jaw fell open, I dropped the ribbon that was in my hand, and I realized a truly horrific thought. “Oh my god, I sound like that girl that got fired from Yelp.” But even worse off, I sounded like every whiney millennial that I so passionately condemned. I took a sip of my latte and let that all sink in for a second. Then I took a breath, shook off the shame, and went back to my work while giving myself a very stern pep talk. (Yes I talk to myself in my head and sometimes out loud, so sue me).

I thought back to all my event planning classes and my old jobs, and I reminded myself of the philosophy that defines me professionally, and that I hold close to my heart; There is no job that is beneath you, you do what needs to be done no matter what it is. You are not better than any job out there.

I talked myself down of my high and mighty ledge, and quickly calmed myself down as I realized something important. I realized that I am not one of those awful, stereotypical millennials that make life harder for the rest of us, but I am human. There’s nothing wrong with being imperfect, in fact I’m actually pretty amazing at being imperfect, maybe I’ll list it as a special skill on my resume…

But anyways, the point I’m trying to make is that there’s nothing wrong with having a little millennial style meltdown, as long as you can bring yourself back from it and remember what’s important to you. Figure out what those key philosophies are for you, and write them down. On long days, or during tough times I think it helps to have a little reminder of the things that make your heart happy, and the beliefs that define you.

Millennials have a bit of a bad rep, but if we’re willing to work hard, we can change that.