Secondhand Smoke

Last summer I first heard a song by Kelsea Ballerini called "Secondhand Smoke". The song is about a girl with divorced parents worrying that her love life will suffer the same fate, singing "What am I supposed to do? I can't help that they chose to breathe it in, but I'm not gonna choke on their secondhand smoke". As a child of divorce I quickly fell in love with the song, and the way it so accurately represented my feelings and fears toward love and divorce.

I was reminded of that song today when I came across an article entitled, "Millennials latest mistake: embracing the 'starter' marriage". In summary, the article discusses how millennials are approaching marriage very differently from prior generations. According to their research, millennials are more open to the idea of marriages that are time bound, like a mortgage. After 2 years or 5 years a couple can easily divorce, or choose to stay together. Of course this sounds shocking and insane to many people, but give me a second to show you the other perspective.

Let me start by saying I don't think we should have 2 years marriages, and I plan on getting married one time, forever and always. But even so, I completely understand the people who don't. A lot of people, regardless of your generation, are children of divorce. We come from broken homes, so do our friends, and so do our relatives. Personally, I'm struggling to think of more than a small handful of couples i know who aren't divorced or on their second or third marriage. My friends and I grew up in a world of separations, remarriages, custody arguments, and divorces.

I'm single, but a small part of me constantly wonders if I could handle divorce. How long should I date my future husband? How can I
be sure we won't hate each other in 5 years? How do I guarantee that my hypothetical future children never have to hide in the laundry room, trying to drown out Mommy and Daddy's fighting? It's terrifying. Sure, you can tell me it doesn't happen to everyone, but it has happened to almost everyone I know.

Millennials don't have commitment issues. We aren't just flaky or indecisive. We are just trying to find a way to love someone in realistic way. When you hit your 20s and 30s, you can't just think of your future love life as a fairy tale. You have to accept the fact that something like 50% of marriages end in divorce, and you have to prepare for it. Our generation is used to disasters and heartbreak. We're just trying to create a life where we can avoid inhaling the smoke.