A couple weeks ago I had rough week. I felt overwhelmed by a lot of stuff, I wasn't getting sleep, and making it through each day felt like climbing a mountain in flip flops. On one extra crappy day I had to go to physical therapy (b/c excruciating back pain doesn't care about how close you are to a complete psychotic break).
I walked in, greeted the sweet receptionist, smiled at my physical therapist and popped into the bathroom to change from dress pants to yoga pants. The door closed, and as I changed clothes I had a 60 second breakdown.
For those of you who aren't a mentally ill millennial, this is probably a foreign concept, but sometimes you don't have time to actually deal with life. So you let out a few silent sobs, feel like dying, then wipe your eyes, do some makeup magic to hide the evidence, and bounce out to do an hour of therapy exercises.
That week I had two or three mini breakdowns, all under two minutes, squeezed into my schedule and on a couple occasions, scheduled. Yep, I literally scheduled a 90 second breakdown.
I'm not alone. Way too many of us have had stress piled onto us until we couldn't take it anymore. And lately, I think more and more people are feeling like they literally don't have time to deal with their mental health, but y'all we have got to stop doing that.
My stress week ended with me having a complete mental and emotional breakdown at 2 a.m. I cried for hours and was so destroyed that the next day I could barely move.
It wasn't the first time I denied my stress and hurt and anxiety until it bubbled over and exploded in a late night breakdown in the dark, and honestly, it probably won't be the last. Sometimes we aren't ready to deal with our shit until it's boiling over and all we can do is clear the carnage.
While I do applaud our fucked up ability to breakdown and get back to life in less time than it takes to make popcorn, maybe we like deal with our shit in a healthy way?
I know, I'm talking crazy. We don't have time for that. We have to work our fingers to the bone trying to get validation from bosses, or figure out how we're ever going to be able to buy a house in this market, or wonder if we should start selling our extra organs to boost our 401k since social security is going bankrupt and we're supposed to have like a $1 million or more saved for when we retire at 90.
I'm guilty too. There are plenty of days where I skip my self-care for an extra 10 minutes of sleep, or take a Xanax at bedtime because for the love of God my mind will not shut up and I can't deal with insomnia and anxiety and ADHD at 11 at night especially when I had promised myself I'd be in bed by 10 so I could get 8 hours of sleep and get up and run a 5K before work because if I lose some weight then most of my problems will be solved except for the ones that would be solved with a raise at work which I'm sure I'll get if I keep pushing myself to work 10 hour days and live up to the gifted student label they gave me in middle school.
Yeah. Now I'm definitely stressed. Perfect time for a deep breath! I know, I know. Breathing isn't going to fix your problems, but it just might help you unclench your jaw just a bit, and slow your heart rate, and let you sit at your desk without feeling like a horse running the derby.
We're all different, so what works for me may not work for you, but maybe it will. Or maybe it'll help you figure out what is right for you. If we can fit an emotional breakdown into the length of commercial break on Hulu, we can squeeze a couple minutes of self-care in between emails.
How I Deal:
1. Deep breaths. I close my eyes, take a deep breath in through my nose, until I feel my chest lift or feel my lungs top off. Then I let it out like I'm blowing out birthday candles, until every bit of air is released. For me, doing that 3 times will help reset my brain, and give me a bit of clarity.
2. Lists. I love to make a list of things to do, and to plan out when to do them. Sometimes I even add things to my list that I already did just so I can cross them off. One of the top ways I deal with my anxiety is by taking control and making a plan. So make a to do list. Put brushing your teeth on it if that's something you feel like you need to plan out. I know it's part of my "what time do I need to get up" equation.
3. Journal. Now, I have a prayer journal where I list or write out everything that's on my mind or that I'm worried about. You don't have to have a prayer journal or believe in a God or anything like that if that's not your thing, but listing everything that's stressing you out and weighing you down can still help you. First, you're going to be acknowledging it, which is seriously half the battle. Second, putting it out there on paper may help you get it off your chest.
4. Perspective. This is easily one of the hardest things I've had to learn in my life. There is some shit you cannot control. I know, I know. Take a minute if you need it. There are just some things we have no power over, and stressing over them doesn't give us any power. I absolutely understand how hard it is, but try to let go of some of those things you don't get to control.
5. Perk Up. Don't worry, I'm not gonna tell you to just "be happy" or to "get over it" because that's some ignorant crap that we super don't need to put up with. No, this tip is just about finding something that helps you feel a little better. I personally like to jam out to music. I have a playlist called "Perk Up Buttercup" with my fave songs and my happy tunes and my upbeat jams. It doesn't fix the problems, but it does help me feel a little better.
So what have we learned? What are we taking away from this? Take a fucking breath, let go of some shit, and find a non-alcoholic vice to help pull you out of a slump.
You can handle this. You're a badass and you know it. So start treating yourself to some mental health self-care.
