Disconnecting

Today at lunch (which I actually took for once) I was reading an article about celebs who were stepping away from social media for one reason or another, and I just wanted to share some thoughts and experiences I've had, and why I think it is absolutely important for mental health to set a healthy boundary with social media and technology in general. 

I have an unhealthy relationship with my phone. I spend way too much time on it, and way more time than I'm proud to admit on social media. I would love to be more disconnected from my phone, but I also have family spread across the country, and whenever I try to leave my phone in another room I get anxious. 

So how do you find a balance between not having your phone attached to you like an extra limb while combatting the guilt, stress, or anxiety of being out of reach? Spoiler alert, I do not have the answer for you. I barely have an idea of how to do it for me, and I'd venture to guess it's different for everyone.

I didn't fully realize how much media was affecting me until a couple years ago. My husband and I were starting to try to conceive, and we discovered we have some fertility issues and it isn't going to be an easy journey for us. As I was trying to cope with the thing I wanted more than anything, a family, becoming out of reach it felt like everyone I had ever interacted with was getting pregnant.

Friends from high school and college were posting pregnancy announcements, and my social media feeds felt like they were being flooded with happy couples and newborns. It all came to a head while I was watching New Girl. A character found out they were pregnant and I just lost it. "Can we have 1 show where people aren't getting pregnant?" I posted my anger on Facebook and stopped watching the show for months. I had gotten to the point where even fictional characters getting pregnant had me sobbing.  

I knew it wasn't rational to be distraught over pregnancy plotlines, and my friends probably weren't getting pregnant to spite me. But I was upset, I was grieving, and screens weren't helping. Admittedly, rage quitting TV shows and avoiding my timeline in hopes of missing more "We're Pregnant" posts weren't intentional steps I took to benefit my mental health. But the space from those things might have helped me open my eyes to some of the things around me that did help me heal. For me it was talking to my Mom and my best friend, insights from my Pastor, a lot of angry and tearful prayers, and having to fall back on faith. 

God and church aren't for everyone, and I never want you to feel like I'm slapping a God bandaid on things and calling it good. God was part of healing for me, but the more important takeaway is that taking a step away from the things that were upsetting me was really necessary for me to clear my mind and find some ways to heal. 

I now make a more conscious effort to avoid certain kinds of shows and content when I'm in a fragile place. I have to step away from my beloved true crime podcasts when my depression flares up, and sometimes I'm not in a place to watch intense shows or even happy ones with certain plotlines. 

I try to put my phone to the side when I'm reading or cross-stitching so I'm not tempted to investigate every single notification. I even went through my phone and turned off a ton of notifications. There is nothing happening on social media that requires my immediate attention. Facebook comments shouldn't pull me away from time with my friends and family. Every text doesn't have to be immediately answered. 

Just recently I started putting my phone on do not disturb at night. If someone on a specific, and short, list of people calls me, my phone will go off. Other than that, no pings or vibrations, which used to wake me up at night and give me anxiety. 

Sometimes we need space. For me, it's from social media and being constantly reachable. For you, it might be something else. The most important thing we can do though is to pay attention to our minds and our bodies. We get sent signals and warning signs when things aren't right, and we have to be responsible for noticing them and adjusting what we're doing. 

Infertility still plagues me. Images of happy families and pregnancy announcements still hurt, and sometimes I feel more bitter than happy. But now I know when I need to step back. I know when I need to put my phone face down and dig into what's happening in my brain. I take time to journal, to reflect on why things are more triggering today, and step away from sources of stress until I feel more confident about my headspace. 

I feel pretty confident in saying that the world will not crumble if you step away from Instagram for an hour. Take the time to think about how social media is benefitting you, and the answer isn't a blanket 'it isn't'. I love memes and videos of cute animals, and laughing at Tik Toks. Focus in on the good things the digital age can give you, and take the time to think about if there are other things you want to focus on instead of feed scrolling. 

Find your balance. Find your peace. Find a strategy that works for you. You deserve to have peace in your soul.