Recently the topic of sexual harassment came up, and I shared a story about a time I was sexually harassed in the workplace. In one of my early jobs after college I worked for a large company. One day, a male coworker walked up behind me and began massaging my shoulders.
At the time I didn't fully understand that what that manager did was sexual harassment, and my coworkers said "Oh he does that to all the girls". So I said nothing, and made sure to have my back against a wall whenever he came around.
When I told this story recently, one of the people in the room said, "So you're not touchy-feely. Okay."
Nope. Incorrect. I am a huge fan of hugs, fist bumps, and high fives. Some of my male friends give me a kiss on the cheek when they see me, and I think that's incredibly sweet. So no, my issue is not that I don't like to be touched. My issue is that I do not want anyone I don't know well, especially men, to put their hands on me in an intimate way without my consent.
I think way too often victims of sexual harassment, regardless of gender, are made to feel that their preferences are to blame, rather than the person who harassed them, and folks that's kind of bullshit.
I will literally hug a stranger on the street if they need it. I'm a huge supporter of physical contact and all the psychological benefits that come with it. So let me spell it out to be extra clear,
Consensual Physical Touch = Good Nonconsensual Physical Touch = Bad
It is really that simple. So next time someone opens up about harassment, or any experience where they felt their personal space was violated, remember that it doesn't matter what they like and don't like. Touching someone without consent is wrong, and the victim isn't to blame.
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